Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
