Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
