So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
