I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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