I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize