A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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