Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
