he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
