Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
