so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
