You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love you. Go after that dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
