I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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