He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
