I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
