What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize