nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
someone owes me an orgasm
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
