i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
