so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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