I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
