didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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