Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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