Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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