Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
