lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
