Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
