he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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