I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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