We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
