you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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