Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this just has baby written all over it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
