i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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