brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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