my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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