guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
