Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
