We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
