I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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