how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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