well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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