he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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