i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
