You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
