I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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