Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
