I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
