There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
