first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
