Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm going to jail i love you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
