this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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