I have demons in me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
