saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
