Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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