There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
