I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
