I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
