May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
