She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
