I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
a search helicopter?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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