Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
