i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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