I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
