fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
